A lesson from David

I am studying Beth Moore's David study this fall. It has been very good and I am always amazed at how God meets me right where I am in each study I do. This week we've studied what David did when he was forced to flee from Saul and hide in the caves. Beth Moore had us read Psalm 142 which is one that David wrote while in the caves. Then she pointed out six things David did in response to overwhelming circumstance.

1. He prayed.
2. He cried aloud.
3. He poured out his complaint to God.
4. He rehearsed his trust in God.
5. He longed for God's presence.
6. He confessed his desperate need.

This week we received sobering news from Joel's brother, Josh and his wife Amanda. Their precious baby girl, Gabrielle, who is due in February, has a heart with no chambers. What that means, in the bare basics, is that her heart has to work a lot harder than a regular heart and she will have to undergo her first of several surgeries when she is just five days old. And there are no guarantees.

So, I find myself, like David, crying aloud and pouring out my complaints. Now, I'm supposed to start rehearsing my trust in Him, right? I confess that often times I forget to go there. But this time, I can't quite get there. I'm not sure exactly why this time I have struggled to rest on the character of God. Perhaps it has something to do with the memories of watching my sister and brother-in-law live through and with losing a child and the deep hope that Josh and Amanda don't have to suffer that pain. Perhaps, as I almost scream at God that He has to do a miracle on that heart, I believe I want wholeness for little Gabrielle more than He does. My head knows that He is trustworthy. My heart can't seem to find the strength to trust. So, this morning, on a walk with the kids, I forced myself. I know, that sounds awful, right? But, I found two things I could say and I repeated them. Over and over. I don't even remember now what those two things were and it didn't magically make me feel better.

But tonight, I feel like I can think about the whole situation without dissolving into tears. That I can begin to pray for the miracle that Josh and Amanda are praying for, without demanding it. And I guess, that's a step in the right direction.